This is a collection of short jokes and 1-liners that I liked:
Change is inevitable... except from vending machines
Don’t sweat petty things... rather pet sweaty things
A fool and his money are soon partying
Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow
How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hands....
Everybody repeat after me.... “We are all individuals.”
Chastity is curable, if detected early.
Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
If at first you don’t succeed, then sky-diving definitely isn’t for you.
42.7 percent of statistics are made up on the spot.
If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never tried before.
Don’t be sexist; broads hate that!
I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
Don't take life too seriously; you won't get out alive.
I'm not a complete idiot; some parts are missing.
The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
I'M OUT OF ESTROGEN AND I'VE GOT A GUN
STUPIDITY IS NOT A HANDICAP. Park elsewhere!
They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken
HECK IS WHERE PEOPLE GO WHO DON'T BELIEVE IN GOSH
The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.
I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me!
The sex was so good that even the neighbours had a cigarette.
God must love stupid people; He made so many of them.
He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?
If it's true that we are here to help others, what are the others doing here?
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up, like, every two hours?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Change is inevitable... except from vending machines
Don’t sweat petty things... rather pet sweaty things
A fool and his money are soon partying
Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow
How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hands....
Everybody repeat after me.... “We are all individuals.”
Chastity is curable, if detected early.
Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
If at first you don’t succeed, then sky-diving definitely isn’t for you.
42.7 percent of statistics are made up on the spot.
If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never tried before.
Don’t be sexist; broads hate that!
I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
Don't take life too seriously; you won't get out alive.
I'm not a complete idiot; some parts are missing.
The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
I'M OUT OF ESTROGEN AND I'VE GOT A GUN
STUPIDITY IS NOT A HANDICAP. Park elsewhere!
They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken
HECK IS WHERE PEOPLE GO WHO DON'T BELIEVE IN GOSH
The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.
I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me!
The sex was so good that even the neighbours had a cigarette.
God must love stupid people; He made so many of them.
He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?
If it's true that we are here to help others, what are the others doing here?
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up, like, every two hours?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
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